Tag Archives: scary

Courtney Stodden: Erin Brockovich of today?

2 Nov

NO.

Welp, that is what Courtney proclaimed in the most recent episode of VH1’s “Couples Therapy” on Wednesday night.

Before I get into why her diluted mind thinks that, let’s review Erin Brockovich for a second. In short, Erin Brockovich was working as law clerk who was instrumental in facilitating the case against PG&E. She did all that while raising her children and without a formal law education. She is now an environmental activist and consultant.  With that being said, the only take away Courtney took from this incredible true life depiction was the cleavage Julia Roberts showed in her award winning role in the onscreen adaptation. Maybe her ears don’t work due to a blockage of loose saline from her chest? No, no, those are “rill.”

In the last few episodes of VH1’s “Couples Therapy” Courtney Stodden was reprimanded several times for her barely there clothing choices and when confronted by Dr. Jenn she profusely states that she has “saved many lives” because she is who she is and dresses in a way that expresses who she is…(a slut – sorry)…blah blah blah. Yes, that comment has shocked us all. I think this ding dong is attempting to say that her dressing with pasties, a fig leaf and five inch lucite heels is expressing who she is and is somehow trying to combat bullying while being pro individuality? Anyway, it took some convincing but Dr. Jenn was able to get Courtney to go shopping with her so she can dress in real people clothes. You know, clothes that aren’t purchased from foreplay.com. Courtney came back to the house in white jeans and a tight fitting top. She was not thrilled and she called it her uniform. (Why doesn’t this girl realize that since she is still wearing 5 inch lucite heels and has huge melons she is going to look sexy in a poncho). She looked more normal, not totally normal but like a Christian girl from the suburbs with daddy issues type normal.

Courtney wore her new outfit for one whole day and it seemed as thought she was making progress keeping her clothes on. Then the next day came. Courtney shows up to the house in a bikini top and something that can only be described as a doll clothing size tennis skirt, for a sluttly doll.  This forces Dr. Jenn to confront her yet again. She asks Courtney to change and come back to the house so therapy can continue. Courtney says something like she is not going to change for anyone. Dr. Jenn clarifies that she just needs to change her clothes and come back. Courtney continues to spew more crap out of her mouth like, she won’t change because she is a strong woman and everyone is a bully…yadda, yadda, yadda. Then she says it, “I guess you could call me the 21st century Erin Brockovich. That’s me.”

That is the greatest thing she has ever said next to her last gem, “I have saved many lives”

WTF?

Courtney, you cannot compare yourself to Erin Brockovich. Other than the fact that you both have a face you have nothing in common with her. Erin Brockovich actually DID SAVE LIVES.

5 reasons why planning a wedding and dieting are the same.

19 Sep
Planning a wedding and going on a diet go hand in hand. Especially since most brides to be go on wedding diets. What you might not realize is that wedding planning and diets have more in common than you thought. First you are all in – balls to the wall excited. After a while everything tapers off. Here is the time line of feelings comparing wedding planning and dieting. 
 
1. It’s all happening! 
Wedding: Wedding planning begins! Yay! Ultra excited!
Dieting: Operation Get Ripped officially deploys! 
 
2. Must look the part. New outfit = Incentive
Wedding:  Buy wedding dress 
Dieting:  Buy new workout clothes
 
3. Power Though – It’s totally going to be worth it.
Wedding:  Time to do invite list – I can do this, I can do this
Dieting:  I am too tired to workout – Come on fatty, just do it – I’m gonna be skinny
 
4. At the plateau? Getting no where?
Wedding:  Seating chart  are you fucking kidding me? You will sit at the same table and you WILL like it! – We should have eloped
Dieting:  Fuck this – haven’t lost any(more?) weight. Hello ice cream
 
5. Just when you thought you couldn’t give a shit anymore – today is the day!
Wedding: It really was worth it – Today is wedding day and this is FUN!
Dieting: Goal weight! (well for today)

 

11 reasons why age 23 is too young to be a professional Wedding Planner/Coordinator

7 Aug

Doogie Howser proved everyone wrong. He proved to be a fantastic, 16 year old genius Doctor. I understand that he was fictional but he was a damn genius. Not everyone is as suited as Doogie was for a particular role at a young age.
Let’s take a Wedding Planner/Coordinator for example. If you are right out of College at the young age of 23 you should probably not be number one in charge for a wedding. Let’s list some reason why:

1. Only wedding they have attended was an older siblings.

2. They confuse Peonies with Panini’s. If this happens, get the hell out of there. No one is holding a bouquet of sandwiches.

3. She will tell you how nervous she is about her job.

4. SHE IS 23!

5. The last party she was at included grain alcohol, keg stands &  funnels (and projectile vomiting).

6. SHE IS 23!

7. In the past 5 years she has been to more proms and formals than weddings.

8. SHE IS 23!

9. When talking about flowers she recalls all the carnations she received from her Valentine’s Day secret admirer in high school. FIVE YEARS AGO!

10. She talks about her sorority non-stop.

11. SHE IS 23!

I could go on but I don’t think I have to.

How You Know I Like You

23 Jul
Funny Friendship Ecard: You're the kind of friend I would never leave stranded in another state.

You’re the kind of friend I would never leave stranded in another state. | Friendship Ecard | someecards.com.

When cupcakes become land mines…

1 Jun

Just when you think the smoke has finally cleared from your wedding wars, you detonate another landmine.  Who thought a cupcake would be landmine. Cupcakes are not meant to start arguments. Cupcakes are sweet, decadent treats that make people smile. That holds true 99% of the time – when they are not wedding cupcakes.
It’s true, wedding planning is more stressful than an audit. For example, talking about cupcakes in the first month or two of the engagement is easy and breezy. She says, “Oh lets do cupcakes!” He says, “Sure, sounds great.” (Insert hugs, kisses & smiles here) Blah blah blah. Then just months before the wedding when you actually need to finalize things with the  baker your hugs, kisses & smiles turn into “You want THAT color?” “You want THAT frosting?” “I think it is going to look dumb that way.” “Well, screw the cupcakes let’s just tell all the guests that they don’t get dessert because you didn’t like the design. I’ll be drunk anyway.”  – Enough!

I nearly lost my shit when I realized we were arguing (half laughing because of the ridiculousness) over our once favorite, sweet, must smile while eating, delicious treat.

Here is an idea to help prevent your cake or cupcakes from looking like this:

You can try to go old school and make a collage (I am 100% aware of how cheesy this sounds) to give the other person a visual. This way you are both somewhat on the same page. You both can add to it and try to put together all the pieces of your perfect cake or cupcake tier. Plus, that will really help your baker understand your vision and provide you exactly what you are looking for.

Now your cake or cupcakes will look more like this: 
Happy planning…

-LB

Title should be, “12 Resons why I will be single forever.” Real title, “Twelve tips for singles at weddings” – The Washington Post

31 May

I think this woman really has to be joking with some of this.  Let’s start with Tip 11: Play with the kids. She thinks it will make you look attractive to others I think it might be creepy to the parents (since you’re a stranger).  Then there is my personal fav, Tip 12: Get yourself adopted. – WTF is that? Her advise is to have another couple adopt you for the night. It sounds like she is advising a threesome. This whole thing is weird.

I say if you are single at a wedding, just be normal. That’s all.

Twelve tips for singles at weddings – The Washington Post.

Title should be, “12 Resons why I will be single forever.” Real title, “Twelve tips for singles at weddings” – The Washington Post

31 May

I think this woman really has to be joking with some of this.  Let’s start with Tip 11: Play with the kids. She thinks it will make you look attractive to others I think it might be creepy to the parents (since you’re a stranger).  Then there is my personal fav, Tip 12: Get yourself adopted. – WTF is that? Her advise is to have another couple adopt you for the night. It sounds like she is advising a threesome. This whole thing is weird.

I say if you are single at a wedding, just be normal. That’s all.

Twelve tips for singles at weddings – The Washington Post.

Step right up to my wedding circus…Tickets go on sale NOW!

16 May
What? You can’t sell tickets to your own wedding? How the hell do people pay for this shit?! Now don’t get me wrong, I am as excited for my wedding as much as the next girl but this guest list stuff is some huge load of bull shit. Right now my guest its is up to 235…that is 200 more people than I would like there. Every time I see a name added to that list I see $$$. Sorry Aunt Cookie but you just don’t rank high enough on my list for me to pay for your attendance. Unless, maybe I should start working the corner to pay for this fiasco. Hmmm, that might put an end to this whole wedding so that is not the ideal solution.
Okay, so you can’t sell tickets and you can’t hook what do you do? First you vent to your friends and stew in your anger (a few of my skills) until you can meltdown/cry/yell to your fiancé. Then you split your list, A list & B list and get response cards with 2 different RSVP dates. Send out the first batch to list A and as regrets (fingers crossed) come in you can send out the invites to list B. Sounds like it will work.
I did not follow my own advice as I am slightly more blunt and bitchy. My rule with my family was if I can’t pick these people out of a line up they are not invited. When my mother said, “Don’t forget to invite GiGi.” I replied with, “I have no idea who she is, how she is related to me or what her last name is so she doesn’t make the cut.”
I should have taken my own advice as it is more polite but that has never really been my style. I am a bit of a mouthy girl with no filter but I will have a fabulous wedding.