Tag Archives: marriage

Title should be, “12 Resons why I will be single forever.” Real title, “Twelve tips for singles at weddings” – The Washington Post

31 May

I think this woman really has to be joking with some of this.  Let’s start with Tip 11: Play with the kids. She thinks it will make you look attractive to others I think it might be creepy to the parents (since you’re a stranger).  Then there is my personal fav, Tip 12: Get yourself adopted. – WTF is that? Her advise is to have another couple adopt you for the night. It sounds like she is advising a threesome. This whole thing is weird.

I say if you are single at a wedding, just be normal. That’s all.

Twelve tips for singles at weddings – The Washington Post.

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Ever wonder why the Bride & Groom are so happy on the wedding day? All the planning is OVER!

21 May

I really think that wedding planning is a test. A test to see if you and your fiancé can really hack it together ’til death do you part. Thank God I have a few close friends getting married around the same time as me because I though I was just a stone cold bitch. 

For example, recently one of my BFFs was venting and she said, “Ok so is it me or is almost every aspect of wedding planning an argument?? Maybe it’s just me.”

To answer your question my dear BFF, it is NOT just you, you are not the only blushing bride out there that wants to punch yourself (or others) in the face.  It’s almost like everything wedding planning related is a weird illusion to trick into hating the person you are marring. Suddenly you and your once perfect partner are arguing about the most ridiculous things like lined envelopes. Who gives a shit about lined envelopes in normal life? The envelope is the first thing to hit the trash. (Clearly, this is a hot button issue with me.) 

The weirdest thing is that it IS a test. If you and your fiancé can get through planning a wedding you can get through anything. All the blood, sweat & tears (and money) that you BOTH pour into this one day (6 hour) event will be well worth it. It’s almost like all the hours you spend at the gym. You hate the gym, you hate the bike, you hate the weights, you hate the skinny bitches that are there for no reason and I secretly want to spike there Vitamin Water with sticks of butter, but you continue to work out anyway. You do this because you know deep down it will all work out in the end. Then suddenly one day, your skinny jeans fit perfectly! It’s the same as wedding planning. You spend so much time and effort answering everyone else’s questions, trying to make everyone happy, making sure this one & that one are included, freaking out that something is bound to go wrong but it will always work out. 

That is why the bride and the groom are so happy on their wedding day. They already knew they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together but the fact that the planning is over – Now that’s why I believe they smile so big and they cry tears of joy.

Toots for today!

-LB

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Step right up to my wedding circus…Tickets go on sale NOW!

16 May
What? You can’t sell tickets to your own wedding? How the hell do people pay for this shit?! Now don’t get me wrong, I am as excited for my wedding as much as the next girl but this guest list stuff is some huge load of bull shit. Right now my guest its is up to 235…that is 200 more people than I would like there. Every time I see a name added to that list I see $$$. Sorry Aunt Cookie but you just don’t rank high enough on my list for me to pay for your attendance. Unless, maybe I should start working the corner to pay for this fiasco. Hmmm, that might put an end to this whole wedding so that is not the ideal solution.
Okay, so you can’t sell tickets and you can’t hook what do you do? First you vent to your friends and stew in your anger (a few of my skills) until you can meltdown/cry/yell to your fiancé. Then you split your list, A list & B list and get response cards with 2 different RSVP dates. Send out the first batch to list A and as regrets (fingers crossed) come in you can send out the invites to list B. Sounds like it will work.
I did not follow my own advice as I am slightly more blunt and bitchy. My rule with my family was if I can’t pick these people out of a line up they are not invited. When my mother said, “Don’t forget to invite GiGi.” I replied with, “I have no idea who she is, how she is related to me or what her last name is so she doesn’t make the cut.”
I should have taken my own advice as it is more polite but that has never really been my style. I am a bit of a mouthy girl with no filter but I will have a fabulous wedding.

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Other than the wedding party, who do I have to buy gifts for?

16 May
Is there a wedding handbook or something? When I was a kid and I had a birthday party I didn’t get anyone else a gift – The party was for me. Apparently we don’t adhere to the same rules for a wedding? Other than the wedding party who gets gifts? Are hugs good enough gifts? I don’t want to leave anyone out.

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