Tag Archives: sarcastic

Courtney Stodden: Erin Brockovich of today?

2 Nov

NO.

Welp, that is what Courtney proclaimed in the most recent episode of VH1’s “Couples Therapy” on Wednesday night.

Before I get into why her diluted mind thinks that, let’s review Erin Brockovich for a second. In short, Erin Brockovich was working as law clerk who was instrumental in facilitating the case against PG&E. She did all that while raising her children and without a formal law education. She is now an environmental activist and consultant.  With that being said, the only take away Courtney took from this incredible true life depiction was the cleavage Julia Roberts showed in her award winning role in the onscreen adaptation. Maybe her ears don’t work due to a blockage of loose saline from her chest? No, no, those are “rill.”

In the last few episodes of VH1’s “Couples Therapy” Courtney Stodden was reprimanded several times for her barely there clothing choices and when confronted by Dr. Jenn she profusely states that she has “saved many lives” because she is who she is and dresses in a way that expresses who she is…(a slut – sorry)…blah blah blah. Yes, that comment has shocked us all. I think this ding dong is attempting to say that her dressing with pasties, a fig leaf and five inch lucite heels is expressing who she is and is somehow trying to combat bullying while being pro individuality? Anyway, it took some convincing but Dr. Jenn was able to get Courtney to go shopping with her so she can dress in real people clothes. You know, clothes that aren’t purchased from foreplay.com. Courtney came back to the house in white jeans and a tight fitting top. She was not thrilled and she called it her uniform. (Why doesn’t this girl realize that since she is still wearing 5 inch lucite heels and has huge melons she is going to look sexy in a poncho). She looked more normal, not totally normal but like a Christian girl from the suburbs with daddy issues type normal.

Courtney wore her new outfit for one whole day and it seemed as thought she was making progress keeping her clothes on. Then the next day came. Courtney shows up to the house in a bikini top and something that can only be described as a doll clothing size tennis skirt, for a sluttly doll.  This forces Dr. Jenn to confront her yet again. She asks Courtney to change and come back to the house so therapy can continue. Courtney says something like she is not going to change for anyone. Dr. Jenn clarifies that she just needs to change her clothes and come back. Courtney continues to spew more crap out of her mouth like, she won’t change because she is a strong woman and everyone is a bully…yadda, yadda, yadda. Then she says it, “I guess you could call me the 21st century Erin Brockovich. That’s me.”

That is the greatest thing she has ever said next to her last gem, “I have saved many lives”

WTF?

Courtney, you cannot compare yourself to Erin Brockovich. Other than the fact that you both have a face you have nothing in common with her. Erin Brockovich actually DID SAVE LIVES.

OMG! Staples is having a sale on BINDERS FULL OF WOMEN!

17 Oct

OMG! Staples is having a sale on BINDERS FULL OF WOMEN!

Get to your neighborhood office supply store ASAP so you can get your mitts on the best binders full of women!! Damn, I NEED a new Trapper Keeper!

How much of a dickhead is this guy? Mitt is not very smart, so he obviously did not realize the phrase “binders full of women” is absolutely ridiculous. I wonder how many different “binders” he has. Does he have volumes like the Encyclopedia Britanica? Does he have binders full of men?  Has he ever heard of a COMPUTER or an electrionic file? This man is not only throwing females back into the 1950’s but he is actually filling up binders with large amounts of paper?!  

How brain dead do you have to be to think that this is the person you want running your country?  This man in a complete cocktard.

Check out this delightful site: “Binders Full of Women

OMG! Staples is having a sale on BINDERS FULL OF WOMEN!

17 Oct

OMG! Staples is having a sale on BINDERS FULL OF WOMEN!

Get to your neighborhood office supply store ASAP so you can get your mitts on the best binders full of women!! Damn, I NEED a new Trapper Keeper!

How much of a dickhead is this guy? Mitt is not very smart, so he obviously did not realize the phrase “binders full of women” is absolutely ridiculous. I wonder how many different “binders” he has. Does he have volumes like the Encyclopedia Britanica? Does he have binders full of men?  Has he ever heard of a COMPUTER or an electrionic file? This man is not only throwing females back into the 1950’s but he is actually filling up binders with large amounts of paper?!  

How brain dead do you have to be to think that this is the person you want running your country?  This man in a complete cocktard.

Check out this delightful site: “Binders Full of Women

5 reasons why planning a wedding and dieting are the same.

19 Sep
Planning a wedding and going on a diet go hand in hand. Especially since most brides to be go on wedding diets. What you might not realize is that wedding planning and diets have more in common than you thought. First you are all in – balls to the wall excited. After a while everything tapers off. Here is the time line of feelings comparing wedding planning and dieting. 
 
1. It’s all happening! 
Wedding: Wedding planning begins! Yay! Ultra excited!
Dieting: Operation Get Ripped officially deploys! 
 
2. Must look the part. New outfit = Incentive
Wedding:  Buy wedding dress 
Dieting:  Buy new workout clothes
 
3. Power Though – It’s totally going to be worth it.
Wedding:  Time to do invite list – I can do this, I can do this
Dieting:  I am too tired to workout – Come on fatty, just do it – I’m gonna be skinny
 
4. At the plateau? Getting no where?
Wedding:  Seating chart  are you fucking kidding me? You will sit at the same table and you WILL like it! – We should have eloped
Dieting:  Fuck this – haven’t lost any(more?) weight. Hello ice cream
 
5. Just when you thought you couldn’t give a shit anymore – today is the day!
Wedding: It really was worth it – Today is wedding day and this is FUN!
Dieting: Goal weight! (well for today)

 

Wedding bands: Take off or not?

29 Aug

Boys – this question is really for you . Do you take your wedding band off before you go to bed, shower, work out etc or do you leave it on all the time? 

I personally think that unless a guy is doing yard work, construction or a professional athlete you should keep your man bands on all the time, but that is just MY opinion. 

What do you guys think? Man bands always on or not?

I’d like 1 wedding please. That will be $27,000

18 Jun

According to the June 2012 issue of Money magazine and of course theknot.com, they stated that the average cost for a wedding in 2011 topped out at $27,000! That is about $4,500 an HOUR!!!! If anyone ever told me that I would be spending an average of $4,500 an hour on the day of my wedding I would tell them that they must be outside their fucking minds. Absolutely not. I haven’t done the math yet but based on my own wedding planning and tons of research, $27,000 although a shit ton of money is still a fair price.

I am cheap when it comes to the wedding but there is one thing that we think is worth the money. OPEN BAR.  There is it folks, that is our secret. Give the guest open bar and then they will all be to drunk to notice that you didn’t release white doves, you skipped the campaign toast and that the bride only had one dress and wasn’t wearing Christian Louboutin’s.

Oh, music. Don’t forget music. You need to have good music to have a fun wedding. However, the more drunk people are the more they will dance so it all goes back to OPEN BAR.

I hope my secret works and helps a few of you. Hopefully you can spend the money you saved on a baller honeymoon or for your future of wedded bliss.

Other than the wedding party, who do I have to buy gifts for?

16 May
Is there a wedding handbook or something? When I was a kid and I had a birthday party I didn’t get anyone else a gift – The party was for me. Apparently we don’t adhere to the same rules for a wedding? Other than the wedding party who gets gifts? Are hugs good enough gifts? I don’t want to leave anyone out.