Tag Archives: Humor

3 yr old – Potty training + Outside the house = $2,500 fine?

15 Nov

Let’s say you live in Oklahoma. Let’s say you are on your front lawn and with your 3 year old son who is not yet completely potty trained. Let’s say your 3 year old, un-potty trained kid has to pee and let’s say a police officer happens to drive by. What do you think would happen? If you guessed that the cop would fine the mother $2,500 for public urination you are right! What did you learn from this? Don’t live in Oklahoma.

Read the full article, “Okla. cop tickets tot, 3, for public urination” from the NY Daily News here!

Presidential “To Do” List

7 Nov

Yesterday was a big, big day. Other than the threat one of our favorite feathered friends on the unemployment line, there was a lot at stake with this election…number 1 issue being the economy. The economy is a huge priority in this election but I feel like too much time is spent on other issues that should not be such a major part of a Presidential election.

The President of the United States of America has A LOT on his “To Do List” and I think that issues like a woman’s right to choose and sexual orientation should not be part of his agenda. Don’t get me wrong they are definitely major issues and some of the most important but I think the President should spend his time on the real pressing matters like the economy, foreign affairs, etc.  If the president is working on Foreign Policy why in the world would he even have time to think about someone’s sexual orientation?  Who gives a shit? Why would he even have time to care that 2 men or 2 women want to get married? If I were the President I would A) Say go for it & marry whoever you want or B) leave that up to the State’s discretion because I have bigger issues to deal with like the DOW dropping 300 points and a happy little place called the Middle East.

Courtney Stodden: Erin Brockovich of today?

2 Nov

NO.

Welp, that is what Courtney proclaimed in the most recent episode of VH1’s “Couples Therapy” on Wednesday night.

Before I get into why her diluted mind thinks that, let’s review Erin Brockovich for a second. In short, Erin Brockovich was working as law clerk who was instrumental in facilitating the case against PG&E. She did all that while raising her children and without a formal law education. She is now an environmental activist and consultant.  With that being said, the only take away Courtney took from this incredible true life depiction was the cleavage Julia Roberts showed in her award winning role in the onscreen adaptation. Maybe her ears don’t work due to a blockage of loose saline from her chest? No, no, those are “rill.”

In the last few episodes of VH1’s “Couples Therapy” Courtney Stodden was reprimanded several times for her barely there clothing choices and when confronted by Dr. Jenn she profusely states that she has “saved many lives” because she is who she is and dresses in a way that expresses who she is…(a slut – sorry)…blah blah blah. Yes, that comment has shocked us all. I think this ding dong is attempting to say that her dressing with pasties, a fig leaf and five inch lucite heels is expressing who she is and is somehow trying to combat bullying while being pro individuality? Anyway, it took some convincing but Dr. Jenn was able to get Courtney to go shopping with her so she can dress in real people clothes. You know, clothes that aren’t purchased from foreplay.com. Courtney came back to the house in white jeans and a tight fitting top. She was not thrilled and she called it her uniform. (Why doesn’t this girl realize that since she is still wearing 5 inch lucite heels and has huge melons she is going to look sexy in a poncho). She looked more normal, not totally normal but like a Christian girl from the suburbs with daddy issues type normal.

Courtney wore her new outfit for one whole day and it seemed as thought she was making progress keeping her clothes on. Then the next day came. Courtney shows up to the house in a bikini top and something that can only be described as a doll clothing size tennis skirt, for a sluttly doll.  This forces Dr. Jenn to confront her yet again. She asks Courtney to change and come back to the house so therapy can continue. Courtney says something like she is not going to change for anyone. Dr. Jenn clarifies that she just needs to change her clothes and come back. Courtney continues to spew more crap out of her mouth like, she won’t change because she is a strong woman and everyone is a bully…yadda, yadda, yadda. Then she says it, “I guess you could call me the 21st century Erin Brockovich. That’s me.”

That is the greatest thing she has ever said next to her last gem, “I have saved many lives”

WTF?

Courtney, you cannot compare yourself to Erin Brockovich. Other than the fact that you both have a face you have nothing in common with her. Erin Brockovich actually DID SAVE LIVES.

Is @BravoTV serious with this show #LOLwork

10 Oct

Is @BravoTV serious with this show #LOLwork?? Looks like a fake work. http://ow.ly/en8Yj

“The Fat News Lady”

2 Oct

I know I already posted about this and I am sure that I am going to get some heat for say this but here goes!

If you don’t have something nice to say…

At what point do you draw the line between telling the truth about something and keeping your mouth shut because what you have to say might not be nice?

I do think that the Richard or Dick who sent the email did not need to do that. I am not sure why he has so much time on his hands and I am willing to bet that he is probably over weight as well since most of America is.  However, I think his email was unnecessary since as she said, she KNOWS she is over weight but he was just telling the truth. He didn’t call her names and say she was lazy he was just saying what he saw. I wouldn’t call that bulling as much a stating a fact.

Okay, so people do not need to talk about her and leave comments on her Facebook page and there was absolutely no need to email her however, to me there is a difference between being a douche bag and just stating the obvious. Stating a fact or telling the truth is not bullying. I think we might be going a little too far with this bullying thing.

Scroll down and click on the link to Barstool Sports Boston. As always, they say it best.

» Fat News Anchor Addresses Being Called Fat Barstool Sports: Boston.

5 reasons why planning a wedding and dieting are the same.

19 Sep
Planning a wedding and going on a diet go hand in hand. Especially since most brides to be go on wedding diets. What you might not realize is that wedding planning and diets have more in common than you thought. First you are all in – balls to the wall excited. After a while everything tapers off. Here is the time line of feelings comparing wedding planning and dieting. 
 
1. It’s all happening! 
Wedding: Wedding planning begins! Yay! Ultra excited!
Dieting: Operation Get Ripped officially deploys! 
 
2. Must look the part. New outfit = Incentive
Wedding:  Buy wedding dress 
Dieting:  Buy new workout clothes
 
3. Power Though – It’s totally going to be worth it.
Wedding:  Time to do invite list – I can do this, I can do this
Dieting:  I am too tired to workout – Come on fatty, just do it – I’m gonna be skinny
 
4. At the plateau? Getting no where?
Wedding:  Seating chart  are you fucking kidding me? You will sit at the same table and you WILL like it! – We should have eloped
Dieting:  Fuck this – haven’t lost any(more?) weight. Hello ice cream
 
5. Just when you thought you couldn’t give a shit anymore – today is the day!
Wedding: It really was worth it – Today is wedding day and this is FUN!
Dieting: Goal weight! (well for today)

 

How You Know I Like You

23 Jul
Funny Friendship Ecard: You're the kind of friend I would never leave stranded in another state.

You’re the kind of friend I would never leave stranded in another state. | Friendship Ecard | someecards.com.

I’m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios | Flirting Ecard | someecards.com

20 Jun

Boom.

Funny Flirting Ecard: I'm outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.

I’m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios | Flirting Ecard | someecards.com.

Wedding Photobomb: Awkward Photo Fails At Nuptials (PHOTOS) from Huffington Post

19 Jun

Thank you for posting this Huffington Post! This is one of the best photobombs I have seen lately. I hope this couple has this photo framed and on display in multiple rooms of their home.
I can’t help but wonder if the “cowboy” in the background asked the horse for consent prior to getting on her bareback? Hmmm, so many questions but thanks to the photographer who captured this moment and froze it in time.

Wedding Photobomb: Awkward Photo Fails At Nuptials (PHOTOS)

I’d like 1 wedding please. That will be $27,000

18 Jun

According to the June 2012 issue of Money magazine and of course theknot.com, they stated that the average cost for a wedding in 2011 topped out at $27,000! That is about $4,500 an HOUR!!!! If anyone ever told me that I would be spending an average of $4,500 an hour on the day of my wedding I would tell them that they must be outside their fucking minds. Absolutely not. I haven’t done the math yet but based on my own wedding planning and tons of research, $27,000 although a shit ton of money is still a fair price.

I am cheap when it comes to the wedding but there is one thing that we think is worth the money. OPEN BAR.  There is it folks, that is our secret. Give the guest open bar and then they will all be to drunk to notice that you didn’t release white doves, you skipped the campaign toast and that the bride only had one dress and wasn’t wearing Christian Louboutin’s.

Oh, music. Don’t forget music. You need to have good music to have a fun wedding. However, the more drunk people are the more they will dance so it all goes back to OPEN BAR.

I hope my secret works and helps a few of you. Hopefully you can spend the money you saved on a baller honeymoon or for your future of wedded bliss.