Jersey Shore 2: Offspring

22 Jan

Hey, MTV! I have an idea for you…

Jenni “JWoww” Farley announced that she will be having a baby GIRL! Congratulations to her – baby girls are just darling.
More importantly do you know what this news can mean? Yes, Snooki and JWoww are probably planning their kids wedding to each other but thats obvious. This means that in 21 years or so from now MTV could launch a sequel – Jersey Shore 2: Offspring! We have Jr. JWoww, Lorenzo and Pauly’s little lady (what ever her name is). So who’s with me? MTV, you with me?!

See more abut Jenni here: http://www.jennifarley.com/

Prancercise: Joanna Rohrback’s Fitness Program Inspired By Horses (VIDEO)

30 May

Thank God for the ankle weights other wise I would have thought this was just silly.

 Enjoy!

Prancercise: Joanna Rohrback’s Fitness Program Inspired By Horses (VIDEO)

Prancercise

Ryan Lochte – Go away

26 Apr

The E! station newest show “What Would Ryan Lochte Do?” might be the worst idea in TV ever. Yes, worst. 
I can’t even stomach the commercials let alone watch a full episode. 

I know you are not supposed to judge a book by its cover but I am.  The cover is STUPID. 

3 yr old – Potty training + Outside the house = $2,500 fine?

15 Nov

Let’s say you live in Oklahoma. Let’s say you are on your front lawn and with your 3 year old son who is not yet completely potty trained. Let’s say your 3 year old, un-potty trained kid has to pee and let’s say a police officer happens to drive by. What do you think would happen? If you guessed that the cop would fine the mother $2,500 for public urination you are right! What did you learn from this? Don’t live in Oklahoma.

Read the full article, “Okla. cop tickets tot, 3, for public urination” from the NY Daily News here!

Presidential “To Do” List

7 Nov

Yesterday was a big, big day. Other than the threat one of our favorite feathered friends on the unemployment line, there was a lot at stake with this election…number 1 issue being the economy. The economy is a huge priority in this election but I feel like too much time is spent on other issues that should not be such a major part of a Presidential election.

The President of the United States of America has A LOT on his “To Do List” and I think that issues like a woman’s right to choose and sexual orientation should not be part of his agenda. Don’t get me wrong they are definitely major issues and some of the most important but I think the President should spend his time on the real pressing matters like the economy, foreign affairs, etc.  If the president is working on Foreign Policy why in the world would he even have time to think about someone’s sexual orientation?  Who gives a shit? Why would he even have time to care that 2 men or 2 women want to get married? If I were the President I would A) Say go for it & marry whoever you want or B) leave that up to the State’s discretion because I have bigger issues to deal with like the DOW dropping 300 points and a happy little place called the Middle East.

Courtney Stodden: Erin Brockovich of today?

2 Nov

NO.

Welp, that is what Courtney proclaimed in the most recent episode of VH1’s “Couples Therapy” on Wednesday night.

Before I get into why her diluted mind thinks that, let’s review Erin Brockovich for a second. In short, Erin Brockovich was working as law clerk who was instrumental in facilitating the case against PG&E. She did all that while raising her children and without a formal law education. She is now an environmental activist and consultant.  With that being said, the only take away Courtney took from this incredible true life depiction was the cleavage Julia Roberts showed in her award winning role in the onscreen adaptation. Maybe her ears don’t work due to a blockage of loose saline from her chest? No, no, those are “rill.”

In the last few episodes of VH1’s “Couples Therapy” Courtney Stodden was reprimanded several times for her barely there clothing choices and when confronted by Dr. Jenn she profusely states that she has “saved many lives” because she is who she is and dresses in a way that expresses who she is…(a slut – sorry)…blah blah blah. Yes, that comment has shocked us all. I think this ding dong is attempting to say that her dressing with pasties, a fig leaf and five inch lucite heels is expressing who she is and is somehow trying to combat bullying while being pro individuality? Anyway, it took some convincing but Dr. Jenn was able to get Courtney to go shopping with her so she can dress in real people clothes. You know, clothes that aren’t purchased from foreplay.com. Courtney came back to the house in white jeans and a tight fitting top. She was not thrilled and she called it her uniform. (Why doesn’t this girl realize that since she is still wearing 5 inch lucite heels and has huge melons she is going to look sexy in a poncho). She looked more normal, not totally normal but like a Christian girl from the suburbs with daddy issues type normal.

Courtney wore her new outfit for one whole day and it seemed as thought she was making progress keeping her clothes on. Then the next day came. Courtney shows up to the house in a bikini top and something that can only be described as a doll clothing size tennis skirt, for a sluttly doll.  This forces Dr. Jenn to confront her yet again. She asks Courtney to change and come back to the house so therapy can continue. Courtney says something like she is not going to change for anyone. Dr. Jenn clarifies that she just needs to change her clothes and come back. Courtney continues to spew more crap out of her mouth like, she won’t change because she is a strong woman and everyone is a bully…yadda, yadda, yadda. Then she says it, “I guess you could call me the 21st century Erin Brockovich. That’s me.”

That is the greatest thing she has ever said next to her last gem, “I have saved many lives”

WTF?

Courtney, you cannot compare yourself to Erin Brockovich. Other than the fact that you both have a face you have nothing in common with her. Erin Brockovich actually DID SAVE LIVES.

What doesn’t belong on this cover of People? Justin, Jessica & Britney?

24 Oct

Congratulations to Justin Timberlake & Jessica Biel – you guys might just be my favorite famous couple! 

This People Magazine cover really captures how happy and in love newlyweds Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are. It is a very beautiful picture…
One thing – The cover. Did People REALLY have to put a picture of Britney Spears on the cover?? 

A: Give Justin + Jessica their moment
B: No one cares about Britney’s trial
C: If you absolutely had to put her pic in that spot couldn’t you have chosen the one oh her with a shaved head? That would sell some extra copies.

Much love + happiness to the new Mr. & Mrs. Timeberlake!

Read more about Justin & Jessica’s Italy wedding on People.com

OMG! Staples is having a sale on BINDERS FULL OF WOMEN!

17 Oct

OMG! Staples is having a sale on BINDERS FULL OF WOMEN!

Get to your neighborhood office supply store ASAP so you can get your mitts on the best binders full of women!! Damn, I NEED a new Trapper Keeper!

How much of a dickhead is this guy? Mitt is not very smart, so he obviously did not realize the phrase “binders full of women” is absolutely ridiculous. I wonder how many different “binders” he has. Does he have volumes like the Encyclopedia Britanica? Does he have binders full of men?  Has he ever heard of a COMPUTER or an electrionic file? This man is not only throwing females back into the 1950’s but he is actually filling up binders with large amounts of paper?!  

How brain dead do you have to be to think that this is the person you want running your country?  This man in a complete cocktard.

Check out this delightful site: “Binders Full of Women

Is @BravoTV serious with this show #LOLwork

10 Oct

Is @BravoTV serious with this show #LOLwork?? Looks like a fake work. http://ow.ly/en8Yj

“The Fat News Lady”

2 Oct

I know I already posted about this and I am sure that I am going to get some heat for say this but here goes!

If you don’t have something nice to say…

At what point do you draw the line between telling the truth about something and keeping your mouth shut because what you have to say might not be nice?

I do think that the Richard or Dick who sent the email did not need to do that. I am not sure why he has so much time on his hands and I am willing to bet that he is probably over weight as well since most of America is.  However, I think his email was unnecessary since as she said, she KNOWS she is over weight but he was just telling the truth. He didn’t call her names and say she was lazy he was just saying what he saw. I wouldn’t call that bulling as much a stating a fact.

Okay, so people do not need to talk about her and leave comments on her Facebook page and there was absolutely no need to email her however, to me there is a difference between being a douche bag and just stating the obvious. Stating a fact or telling the truth is not bullying. I think we might be going a little too far with this bullying thing.

Scroll down and click on the link to Barstool Sports Boston. As always, they say it best.

» Fat News Anchor Addresses Being Called Fat Barstool Sports: Boston.

Turns out, I DON’T love bagels that much…

27 Sep

I’d say i’m speechless but clearly I’m not, I’m too shocked to shut up. 

When I was younger and still holding on to my baby fat I loved to have my Saturday morning, big, fluffy New Jersey bagel. (Obvi NY/NJ bagels are the best – not up for debate). I vaguely remember my mother attempting to tell me, in a nice way, that if I continue to eat bagels I will get fat. She would say, “If you eat another bagel, you will turn into one.” Up until right now I thought she was lying. 

In this video, you actually see people attempt to turn themselves into bagels. The “Bagel Head” trend is growing in Japan and I don’t know why. It is the 2 hour process of injecting about 400 CC’s of saline into the forehead and then pushing your thumb into the center so your forehead looks like a bagel. Your forehead also looks ridiculous. 
Luckily, this ridiculous “Bagel Head” only lasts until the saline gets fully absorbed into the body. All that for 17 hours of a “Bagel Head.” Call me crazy, but I would rather eat the bagel. 

‘Bagel Head’ Saline Forehead Injections: Japan’s Hot New Beauty Trend? (VIDEO).

5 reasons why planning a wedding and dieting are the same.

19 Sep
Planning a wedding and going on a diet go hand in hand. Especially since most brides to be go on wedding diets. What you might not realize is that wedding planning and diets have more in common than you thought. First you are all in – balls to the wall excited. After a while everything tapers off. Here is the time line of feelings comparing wedding planning and dieting. 
 
1. It’s all happening! 
Wedding: Wedding planning begins! Yay! Ultra excited!
Dieting: Operation Get Ripped officially deploys! 
 
2. Must look the part. New outfit = Incentive
Wedding:  Buy wedding dress 
Dieting:  Buy new workout clothes
 
3. Power Though – It’s totally going to be worth it.
Wedding:  Time to do invite list – I can do this, I can do this
Dieting:  I am too tired to workout – Come on fatty, just do it – I’m gonna be skinny
 
4. At the plateau? Getting no where?
Wedding:  Seating chart  are you fucking kidding me? You will sit at the same table and you WILL like it! – We should have eloped
Dieting:  Fuck this – haven’t lost any(more?) weight. Hello ice cream
 
5. Just when you thought you couldn’t give a shit anymore – today is the day!
Wedding: It really was worth it – Today is wedding day and this is FUN!
Dieting: Goal weight! (well for today)

 

Bravo TV’s “Gallery Girls” – yuck.

4 Sep

Listen Bravo, now I like TV more than most people but are you kidding me with “Gallery Girls?” I have watched some horribly ridiculous, mindless, shit shows like; Jersey Shore, Laguna Beach, The City, The Hills, BIKINI BARBERSHOP, Kendra On Top, and the list goes on but this one takes the cake. 

For all of you out there who don’t know about this awful show, Gallery Girls follows very uninteresting girls around New York City while attempting to make it big in the Art industry.   I might be speaking too soon (big surprise there) but so far 5% of this show is about art. This 5% includes interning in a gallery, attempting to open a gallery (epic fail) and talking about art. The remaining 95% of the show is about boring, dudley, rich girls doing nothing. Now, if the show followed around  rich girls with a personality I would watch. 

Remember the 2003-2004 MTV show called “Rich Girls?” That show really had no point to it other than to see what Tommy Hilfiger’s daughter Ally was up to along with her rich friend  Jaime Gleicher. These two girls really had no business with their own reality show but it was 300 times more entertaining that “Gallery Girls.”  

The bottom line on this post is that I will pretty much watch anything, but this show is horrible and boring. Bravo, you are usually my go to channel and I waste more time watching your shows but if you keep running shows like this I will have no choice but to turn you off and do something with my life. You can always send your cameras to my house and I promise my show would be more interesting. 

Wedding bands: Take off or not?

29 Aug

Boys – this question is really for you . Do you take your wedding band off before you go to bed, shower, work out etc or do you leave it on all the time? 

I personally think that unless a guy is doing yard work, construction or a professional athlete you should keep your man bands on all the time, but that is just MY opinion. 

What do you guys think? Man bands always on or not?

Kristen Stewart Cheated on Rob Pattinson – Is there more to this? Why are we still talking about it?

14 Aug

 

Can we discuss this Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart bullshit? Yes, I do realize that I am behind on talking about this but what I want to talk about is WHY are we STILL talking about it? Why is everyone so shocked and appalled that this relationship is in the shitter and that she cheated on him? We are not a country of pure, wholesome people and we have heard this same story a thousand times before so I just don’t understand the surprise and continuos reporting of this “newsworthy” story. 

She is a hot, young, 22 year old living in LA.  Did you think they were going to get married and start a family? It does totally blow that she cheated on him with an old man and my heart goes out to Rob. Oh, I’m sure he will not have any trouble finding another chick – I’m sure there was always a line of girls outside his door. Bottom line, it’s over.

So Kristen and Rob – you live and you learn. Move on to bigger and better relationships. Apparently for Kristen, that means a man with old balls.

Toots!
-LB

11 reasons why age 23 is too young to be a professional Wedding Planner/Coordinator

7 Aug

Doogie Howser proved everyone wrong. He proved to be a fantastic, 16 year old genius Doctor. I understand that he was fictional but he was a damn genius. Not everyone is as suited as Doogie was for a particular role at a young age.
Let’s take a Wedding Planner/Coordinator for example. If you are right out of College at the young age of 23 you should probably not be number one in charge for a wedding. Let’s list some reason why:

1. Only wedding they have attended was an older siblings.

2. They confuse Peonies with Panini’s. If this happens, get the hell out of there. No one is holding a bouquet of sandwiches.

3. She will tell you how nervous she is about her job.

4. SHE IS 23!

5. The last party she was at included grain alcohol, keg stands &  funnels (and projectile vomiting).

6. SHE IS 23!

7. In the past 5 years she has been to more proms and formals than weddings.

8. SHE IS 23!

9. When talking about flowers she recalls all the carnations she received from her Valentine’s Day secret admirer in high school. FIVE YEARS AGO!

10. She talks about her sorority non-stop.

11. SHE IS 23!

I could go on but I don’t think I have to.

Looking for a little “Something Blue?”

2 Aug

Something Blue.

Hanky Panky ‘I Do’ Low Rise Thong | Nordstrom – $31

1 like

Essie Nail Polish in Midnight Cami – Nordstrom – $8!!

set of 2 – chambray and ice pink ‘Milli’ thongs from Blue Fly

Lapis Bugle Bead & Gold Hoop Earring  from Blue Fly only $26.99!

How You Know I Like You

23 Jul
Funny Friendship Ecard: You're the kind of friend I would never leave stranded in another state.

You’re the kind of friend I would never leave stranded in another state. | Friendship Ecard | someecards.com.

First Conan now Ann? WTF NBC?

27 Jun

NBC is at it again. First it was the Conan/Jay fiasco and now they dusted off their giant middle finger and decided to wave it at Ann Curry. Why are you so interested in pissing off your viewers, NBC?

I love NBC, Ann, Matt and many NBC shows but I have to say, are you kidding me NBC? You think there could have been a better way to handle this Ann Curry/Matt Lauer/Today Show BS? I mean my 6 & 7 year old nephews handle shit better than this and you are a well known, world-wide, media giant. Hey NBC – It’s not like you are a public access station that no one gives a shit about, you are a top rated network! Why would you put yourself in the middle of this shitstorm? Do you enjoy PR nightmares?

While the NBC PR team is scrambling to figure out how to spin this the right way Ann Curry is the picture of composure. She shows up (reluctantly, I assume) every morning knowing the extent of what is going on, knowing that her co-host isn’t a fan of hers and still manages to smile through the show. If I were a network I would hire her based on that alone. Just watching her keep her shit together like that trumps any awkward job interview she might have in the future.

As far as I am concerned, Ann Curry should walk away with her head held high. She is an amazing journalist,intelligent and inspiring. Not to mention her professionalism is off the charts. (If I were her I’d be giving the finger to everyone and telling them all off on the air, I’d go balls to the wall but that is reason number 324 why I am not on a show like that…or on a show at all.)

One thing is for sure, NBC really handled this poorly. I understand that they had to do what was best for them and the show but the way they went about it is horrible. In this field it is understood that you will never please everyone, people get rejected, people get praised but no one should really ever expect to be publicly humiliated by your employer. Shit happens but man, NBC you are putting a bad taste in the mouths of your viewers. This post I pulled from my Facebook Fan page says it all, “She should get her 20 mil and walk away. Screw NBC. I’ll go wherever Ann goes!”

This is NBC’s loss and it just makes them look like dicks. They aired their dirty laundry and played dirty.  

Between all this Ann/Matt/Today Show BS (the camera incident from this morning just put me over the edge) and Conan I am starting to get irritated. Hey NBC, do you think you can you cut the shit and stop being so douchey?

I’m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios | Flirting Ecard | someecards.com

20 Jun

Boom.

Funny Flirting Ecard: I'm outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.

I’m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios | Flirting Ecard | someecards.com.

Macaulay Culkin’s Life After Fame – The Daily Beast

20 Jun

Is Mac’s next stop Neverland Ranch?
DJ iPod? Dinosaur party hats, costumes & face painting? Only thing remotely cool about this is that it all went down in a dive bar. Sounds like Mac is following in the footsteps of another Peter Pan like pop icon.

Macaulay Culkin’s Life After Fame – The Daily Beast.

macaulay-culkin-dj-setoodeh-main

Wedding Photobomb: Awkward Photo Fails At Nuptials (PHOTOS) from Huffington Post

19 Jun

Thank you for posting this Huffington Post! This is one of the best photobombs I have seen lately. I hope this couple has this photo framed and on display in multiple rooms of their home.
I can’t help but wonder if the “cowboy” in the background asked the horse for consent prior to getting on her bareback? Hmmm, so many questions but thanks to the photographer who captured this moment and froze it in time.

Wedding Photobomb: Awkward Photo Fails At Nuptials (PHOTOS)

» This Trend Of High Waist Mom-Jean Shorts Needs To End Immediately Barstool Sports: New York City

18 Jun

Another stellar post from one of my fav’s, KFC at nyc.Barstoolsports.com.
Now, I am a fan and a follower of some trends that dudes hate (Some guys hate Uggs, I LOVE them) but the high waisted shorts I just don’t understand. Ladies, they make you all look funny. Can you tell me why you would want to wear them? Are you into zipping that ultra long zip all the way up to your boobs? Do you like how it makes your thighs look fatter than they are? Or, are you just into camel toe? Because if you are wearing these you have to know that camel toe is a constant possibility. The low waist is hot and sexy so lets leave the high waisted mom jean shorts in the 1970’s where they belong. Some trends are just not meant to be brought back.

» This Trend Of High Waist Mom-Jean Shorts Needs To End Immediately Barstool Sports: New York City.

I’d like 1 wedding please. That will be $27,000

18 Jun

According to the June 2012 issue of Money magazine and of course theknot.com, they stated that the average cost for a wedding in 2011 topped out at $27,000! That is about $4,500 an HOUR!!!! If anyone ever told me that I would be spending an average of $4,500 an hour on the day of my wedding I would tell them that they must be outside their fucking minds. Absolutely not. I haven’t done the math yet but based on my own wedding planning and tons of research, $27,000 although a shit ton of money is still a fair price.

I am cheap when it comes to the wedding but there is one thing that we think is worth the money. OPEN BAR.  There is it folks, that is our secret. Give the guest open bar and then they will all be to drunk to notice that you didn’t release white doves, you skipped the campaign toast and that the bride only had one dress and wasn’t wearing Christian Louboutin’s.

Oh, music. Don’t forget music. You need to have good music to have a fun wedding. However, the more drunk people are the more they will dance so it all goes back to OPEN BAR.

I hope my secret works and helps a few of you. Hopefully you can spend the money you saved on a baller honeymoon or for your future of wedded bliss.

Full-Time Job + Unmarried = Housewife?

4 Jun

I am sure I will offend someone with my next sentence but I just don’t understand. In what world can a woman be employed full-time, unmarried and qualified to be on a show called “The Real Housewives of (Insert affluent city name here)? Now, I understand that women are expert multi-taskers and although I am not yet a mom I do feel that being a housewife and mother is a full time job. Here is what I don’t understand, 95% of the women on the Real Housewives series are employed. Not only are most of these women employed but they are self employed! I am not saying this is a bad thing, I don’t think the content of this show is popular among MENSA members but if there is one positive aspect of this show it is that many these women have their own successful businesses. I don’t know if they started these businesses on their own but they seem to be making a good living off of it. (Lets look at some of the businesses; shapeware, handbags, insurance, fitness, jewelry, etc.) Best thing to come to of this show was Bethenny Frankel. I think Bethenny is the shit, a mogle, a master mind and business role model but she wasn’t married either so I’m pretty sure that doesn’t qualify for the title of “housewife.” She is one of the standouts of this show and she was only on for a season or two.

Okay, okay, I give! This series is one of my guilty pleasures but it seems that it has the wrong title. It should be called “Real Women Who are Rich (with more spare time than normal people, who drink a lot and get into fights more than 7th grade girls)”

Bottom line, these women are great for mindless entertainment but having a job is NORMAL and having one that makes you a lot of money is the dream. Looks like the only ones who are really doing it right are the ladies from NJ! Real Housewives of New Jersey, my fists pump for you!

» Best Bridesmaids Photo Ever? Barstool Sports: Boston

1 Jun

No word of a lie, Barstoolsports.com is one of my favorite sites.  I am one classy broad.

It’s funny! So laugh!

» Best Bridesmaids Photo Ever? Barstool Sports: Boston.

When cupcakes become land mines…

1 Jun

Just when you think the smoke has finally cleared from your wedding wars, you detonate another landmine.  Who thought a cupcake would be landmine. Cupcakes are not meant to start arguments. Cupcakes are sweet, decadent treats that make people smile. That holds true 99% of the time – when they are not wedding cupcakes.
It’s true, wedding planning is more stressful than an audit. For example, talking about cupcakes in the first month or two of the engagement is easy and breezy. She says, “Oh lets do cupcakes!” He says, “Sure, sounds great.” (Insert hugs, kisses & smiles here) Blah blah blah. Then just months before the wedding when you actually need to finalize things with the  baker your hugs, kisses & smiles turn into “You want THAT color?” “You want THAT frosting?” “I think it is going to look dumb that way.” “Well, screw the cupcakes let’s just tell all the guests that they don’t get dessert because you didn’t like the design. I’ll be drunk anyway.”  – Enough!

I nearly lost my shit when I realized we were arguing (half laughing because of the ridiculousness) over our once favorite, sweet, must smile while eating, delicious treat.

Here is an idea to help prevent your cake or cupcakes from looking like this:

You can try to go old school and make a collage (I am 100% aware of how cheesy this sounds) to give the other person a visual. This way you are both somewhat on the same page. You both can add to it and try to put together all the pieces of your perfect cake or cupcake tier. Plus, that will really help your baker understand your vision and provide you exactly what you are looking for.

Now your cake or cupcakes will look more like this: 
Happy planning…

-LB

Memorial Day weekend – The kick off of sun, fun and SALES!

25 May
The @Nordstrom half yearly sale comes but twice a year and there is no better time for it than  Memorial Day weekend! I love to wear dresses in the summer and this is my favorite time of year to buy them. If you are like me you will need them for all the bridals showers this summer is full of. 
Dresses are items you need to purchase when you see one you love. When even I go out in search of a dress I find nothing. Have a few in your closet, ready to go and you will away have something to wear. 
Oh and let’s get one thing straight, I know it might seem like I work for Nordstrom because I talk about it so much but I don’t. I just love it there. 
 
Here are some of my favorites from the Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale:
  1. Donna Morgan Bloused Jersey Dress with Contrast Hem
 Original Price: $148
 Sale Price: $84.90 

 2. Adrianna Papell One Shoulder Polka Dot Chiffon Dress
  Original Price: $138
  Sale Price: $75.90 

 3. Laundry by Shelly Segal Lace Mini Dress
 Original Price: $245
 Sale Price: $121.90
  4. Juicy Couture ‘Hyacinth’ Print Silk Dress
  Original Price: $298
  Sale Price: $174.90 
 

I could keep going on and on but I figured I’d stop the list to free up some of your shopping time. Happy shopping and sunning this weekend!

- LB

This will be me tomorrow – Thanks someecards.com

25 May

Tan Beach Hangover Weekend Funny Ecard | Weekend Ecard | someecards.com.

American Idol…

23 May

Is there anything else on TV ever? I know most people love AI but I’m a little ( a lot) bored of it. I am only interested in the last 10 minutes. The rest – It’s just unnecessary filler. You have to admit, 2 hours is a little excessive. 

Well Good Luck Phil & Jessica, I’ll be catching up on Shameless until 9:50. 

Invitation Etiquette, there is some I obviously did not abide by it.

23 May

Etiquette says that printing “Adult Reception Only” or “Adult Reception immediately to follow” on the invitation itself is bad manners. They say the way you address the envelope dictates who is invited. Just because one dude decided that was the rule doesn’t mean it really is. Who died and made that person king of the world? 

Now, don’t get me wrong I am actually one to follow the rules & etiquette sometimes so I agree. The envelope should suffice but, I do not trust that everyone knows that. For example, have you ever been to a black tie event and there is still one person in khakis? Yes, you have. Guess what? Black Tie was printed on the invitation! I know it is not the same thing but I think it is just fine to cover all your bases. 

For both of you interested in reading my blog, I put the words, “Adult reception immediately to follow” in bright colors on my invitations. You know why I did that? (One of the two of you out there might be interested.)

Here are some of the reasons:

1. We are poor and therefore cheap so, including more than 2 kids would have put us over and above our budget.

2. The inclusion of kids would have put us over the capacity limit.

3. We wanted all the parents to have a nice night out and get shitty without worrying about having to be mommy & daddy at the same time. 

 Bottom line, rules are meant to be broken so I say break them if you have to. If I was rich and had a space to hold 500 people kids would be more than welcome but I don’t. We didn’t want to risk it and I am positive that everyone on our guest list completely understands. 

Toots!

-LB

Ever wonder why the Bride & Groom are so happy on the wedding day? All the planning is OVER!

21 May

I really think that wedding planning is a test. A test to see if you and your fiancé can really hack it together ’til death do you part. Thank God I have a few close friends getting married around the same time as me because I though I was just a stone cold bitch. 

For example, recently one of my BFFs was venting and she said, “Ok so is it me or is almost every aspect of wedding planning an argument?? Maybe it’s just me.”

To answer your question my dear BFF, it is NOT just you, you are not the only blushing bride out there that wants to punch yourself (or others) in the face.  It’s almost like everything wedding planning related is a weird illusion to trick into hating the person you are marring. Suddenly you and your once perfect partner are arguing about the most ridiculous things like lined envelopes. Who gives a shit about lined envelopes in normal life? The envelope is the first thing to hit the trash. (Clearly, this is a hot button issue with me.) 

The weirdest thing is that it IS a test. If you and your fiancé can get through planning a wedding you can get through anything. All the blood, sweat & tears (and money) that you BOTH pour into this one day (6 hour) event will be well worth it. It’s almost like all the hours you spend at the gym. You hate the gym, you hate the bike, you hate the weights, you hate the skinny bitches that are there for no reason and I secretly want to spike there Vitamin Water with sticks of butter, but you continue to work out anyway. You do this because you know deep down it will all work out in the end. Then suddenly one day, your skinny jeans fit perfectly! It’s the same as wedding planning. You spend so much time and effort answering everyone else’s questions, trying to make everyone happy, making sure this one & that one are included, freaking out that something is bound to go wrong but it will always work out. 

That is why the bride and the groom are so happy on their wedding day. They already knew they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together but the fact that the planning is over – Now that’s why I believe they smile so big and they cry tears of joy.

Toots for today!

-LB

Friday Fun

18 May

How great is this?

someecards.com - Thanks for being less disappointing at your job than LeBron James

http://www.jockular.com/14444/lebron-james-miami-heat-nba-playoffs-funny-ecards

Step right up to my wedding circus…Tickets go on sale NOW!

16 May
What? You can’t sell tickets to your own wedding? How the hell do people pay for this shit?! Now don’t get me wrong, I am as excited for my wedding as much as the next girl but this guest list stuff is some huge load of bull shit. Right now my guest its is up to 235…that is 200 more people than I would like there. Every time I see a name added to that list I see $$$. Sorry Aunt Cookie but you just don’t rank high enough on my list for me to pay for your attendance. Unless, maybe I should start working the corner to pay for this fiasco. Hmmm, that might put an end to this whole wedding so that is not the ideal solution.
Okay, so you can’t sell tickets and you can’t hook what do you do? First you vent to your friends and stew in your anger (a few of my skills) until you can meltdown/cry/yell to your fiancé. Then you split your list, A list & B list and get response cards with 2 different RSVP dates. Send out the first batch to list A and as regrets (fingers crossed) come in you can send out the invites to list B. Sounds like it will work.
I did not follow my own advice as I am slightly more blunt and bitchy. My rule with my family was if I can’t pick these people out of a line up they are not invited. When my mother said, “Don’t forget to invite GiGi.” I replied with, “I have no idea who she is, how she is related to me or what her last name is so she doesn’t make the cut.”
I should have taken my own advice as it is more polite but that has never really been my style. I am a bit of a mouthy girl with no filter but I will have a fabulous wedding.

Other than the wedding party, who do I have to buy gifts for?

16 May
Is there a wedding handbook or something? When I was a kid and I had a birthday party I didn’t get anyone else a gift – The party was for me. Apparently we don’t adhere to the same rules for a wedding? Other than the wedding party who gets gifts? Are hugs good enough gifts? I don’t want to leave anyone out.

NYC finally gets a Cupcake ATM…There a

25 Mar

NYC finally gets a Cupcake ATM…There are going to be a lot of drunks with over drawn accounts. http://ow.ly/uWVd7

Surely you jest, Miss Miley

22 Nov

I knew Miley reminded me of someone but I just couldn’t figure it out until now. POWDER! Miley, you look just like Powder! What the hell is wrong with you?

We get it, you are NOT Hanna Montana. You smoke pot, you love Molly, you drink and that’s totally cool but don’t go bleaching your eyebrows, that’s just foolish. Please dye them back. Oh, and while you’re at it, grow your hair back.

20131122-094724.jpg

Farrah Abraham…you make me feel so mature.

29 Oct

I hate to perpetuate talk about this chick but former Teen Mom, Farrah Abraham was on The Bethenny show yesterday. In the midst of recent happenings with Farrah, she shouldn’t be surprised that plucking her four year old daughters eyebrows, her sex toy business and porn were amongst the topics discussed. Really Farrah, what did you expect her to discuss?Arguing with your mom? Calling your dad by his first name? You’re brief stint as a culinary student? No way! You know why? No one cares about that stuff when sex toys & porn are involved. Not to mention the famous quote about your four year old daughter, “Doing her own thing.”
With that said, I completely understand why Bethenny conducted her interview the way she did. I am sure Bethenny had her own opinions of Farrah but she did an excellent job of keeping her feelings under wraps. Farrah on the other hand came off very defensive. Farrah, honey, you put yourself in the public eye, you need to get a thicker skin and just own what you do. Oh and by the way, it IS porn.

For more deets and to see Farrah’s interview click here.

Kim Kardashian’s New Years Resoluion…

31 Dec

Is to have a baby. What is yours?

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 220 other followers

%d bloggers like this: